Ruth is an attractive, intelligent child aged eight years. She moved schools because she was being bullied. Her previous school, despite its high status and religious affiliations, ignored the bullying. She is shy, and seldom complained to her teacher, although her parents went to the school ten times in three years. Ruth felt as though her ‘insides were on fire’. Her parents moved her to a new, caring school. They soon discovered that she was so hurt by the previous bullying that she couldn’t enjoy the friendly kids and safe environment at her new school, so they took her for counseling. They realized that they needed to change as well: they had to become more socially aware to help her reduce her shyness. They had to develop assertive skills and encourage her to use more eye contact, facial expression, a stronger voice – which they did. She is now enjoying her new school.

Children need exposure to some germs to build their physical resilience. Similarly, training them to deal with school bullies equips them for managing pushy friends, aggressive bosses, controlling partners and others. Bully blocking is a basic life survival skill. Conversely, once a child stops bullying others, he is more likely to attract respect, success and true friendships. And once children have the social confidence and skills to protect themselves, they can take risks, increase their social adventures and widen their social circle. Although the school plays a significant role in reducing bullying, it must not be held totally accountable. Parents are ultimately responsible for teaching their children social survival skills.

Check your own feelings
Being the parent of a target or a bully is a very distressing experience. You may feel anger, fear, shame, confusion, frustration, embarrassment and powerlessness, according to whether your child is being targeted or is bullying others.
•    You connect her experiences with those you experienced at her school.
•    You may blame yourself for not protecting your child or not teaching her social skills.
•    Did you grow up in a passive, powerless, un-empathic or authoritarian, physically or verbally abusive family?
•    Do you have bad memories of being bullied? How did it affect you then and now? Did you get help? Release any pain so that you can focus on your child, who needs your attention now. Share this with your child, so she feels less alone.
•    Obtain support and feedback from your partner, family and friends.
•    Improve your own coping strategies: relax, de-stress, value yourself, improve your communication skills, and empower yourself.
•    Establish support networks at school with staff and other parents. Join the parents’ association, do voluntary work or see the counselor.
•    Are there any other personal or family difficulties at home? If you can’t balance your stresses and strains while your child is suffering, obtain psychological help.

By: Francis David